Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need a beard to bite.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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