You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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