Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
