Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
