right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
