Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
