he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
