But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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