People with herpes should wear stickers.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We left the knife in your bed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
