the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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