I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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