The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I looked at my own cervix.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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