remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
