idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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