i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
