Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
