She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
