I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
