DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
