I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
