And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
