1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
