i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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