I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
