My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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