i jhust puked up my retainher.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
