I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Your tits are I can't wait for
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
