Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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