I think I am morally bankrupt
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
