Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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