so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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