It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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