New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We have started to decorate penises.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
