You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
