Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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