i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
