I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
how does that bad decision feel?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
