At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
