i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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