D3 body, D1 cock
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
