so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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