idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
