I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
