dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you would pick up someone in the library
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
