Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
