billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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