i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
