I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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