Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
