When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
