Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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