Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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