I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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