i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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