coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
